What the Country Would Look Like if Liberals Won

By November 26, 2017Politics

Here’s what the country would look like if liberals achieve everything they’re currently fighting so hard for.

    • We’d live in a country where government applications would have 19 different options for sex and gender.
    • Since black on black crime is apparently not a concern, not a single black person would have any interaction with the police – ever
    • The prison population gets cut down by about 37% as all blacks are released from prison since it was white supremacy and oppression that put them all there to begin with.
    • We finally achieve equality by not allowing white people to hold jobs or hold office.
    • Every household making over a million dollars a year is taxed at 80% to pay for universal healthcare and education. Unfortunately, those households leave the country because the free market that has allowed them to achieve these high numbers has suddenly imposed taxes that are higher than other countries. In turn, the jobs and assets they provided leave the country with them.
    • Unemployment rises but at the same time, minimum wage increases to $15 an hour nationwide. Smaller companies are forced to cut hours and lay off workers just to stay afloat. Other companies raise the prices of their products also in an attempt to stay afloat.
    • The “expendable income” that rests in the pockets of minimum wage earners (who still have jobs) pay for cheaper products at big corporations and franchises like Target, McDonald’s, Subway and Walmart instead of purchasing from local mom and pop shops because they have suddenly been forced to raise the prices of their products just to stay in business.
    • Rent in low income areas increase because when the new residents were making $10 an hour, they were only able to afford so much. Now that the minimum wage has increased, they can afford to pay more rent. Supply and demand raises the rent prices proportionally. The “expendable income” now goes to rent as opposed to their own necessities, let alone mom and pop shops.
    • Small companies continue to collapse. All of the rich and wealthy business owners who provided jobs have left the country because the corporate tax was raised so high, you know, to pay for healthcare, college education and other benefits for everyone  – the ones who remain here are paying taxes that are no longer sufficient to cover health care and college education for everyone. In turn, the ones who are left are now taxed higher and higher because after all, of course, education and healthcare are rights.
    • Unemployment increases. Tax increases and in turn, homelessness increases. But that’s ok! Because there are 10 million or so abandoned houses in the US while there are 5 million homeless people so we can just give each homeless person their own house for free! This causes people who are struggling to make rent see an alternative. “Homelessness” increases by millions of people trying to get their free house because the rich have so much stuff and that’s just not fair.
    • Next, we open our borders up. After all, America is founded on immigration, right? And since centuries ago, white Europeans unfairly invaded North America, conquered it and took it over, America should just let everyone in unchecked and unvetted.
    • The concept of “illegal immigration” disappears, but semantics don’t change much – liberals haven’t seen much of a difference between “legal” immigration and “illegal” immigration anyway.
    • More and more foreign workers come in, they work on our farms for extremely low wages because somehow, that’s ok! Because  somehow it’s fine to say illegal immigrants working for terrible wages is totally fine but we need to have a $15 minimum wage for American workers. So we continue to pay the foreign workers poor wages. There’s more and more of that happening, however, because we no longer deport anyone anymore.
    • Deportation no longer happens. The US is now a sanctuary country! So the foreign workers get paid, they take that money back to their home country ultimately leaking more and more US dollar out of the country at a higher and higher rate. Does it stop there? Of course not.
    • Since coal and oil is so dangerous to the environment, the country immediately stops all oil drilling and coal mining. Gas prices raise to impossible heights, making it no longer economically efficient to drive a gas car, forcing everyone to buy electric cars.
    • Supply and demand and cost of production, the prices of electric cars skyrocket to prices not affordable to the people who need cars. So now no one has cars anymore. Well at least there are very few cars. The country is set to maybe recover from this by slowly switching to electric cars but the temporary halt in the ability to effectively use cars causes millions of citizens to not be able to commute to work and back.
    • Unemployment raises even higher now because no one can even get to work. Gas shoots to $58 a gallon or something like that and no one can afford it because the job at which they used to work has now relocated to a country with lower corporate tax.
    • But at least the air is a little bit cleaner – kind of. At least in America a little bit. Of course India, China and Russia are still coughing up smoke so even after all that, climate change isn’t even affected in the slightest.
    • The state of the economy –  A country with unemployment higher than it’s ever seen, a high minimum wage that is now comically unobtainable,  small businesses have crumbled into nothingness, large corporations have automated everything with self-checkout and self-ordering which decreases the need for paid employees, gas prices at an all time high with transportation means at an all time low.
    • This is a perfect time to bring in about 400,000 refugees. For all intents and purposes, this increases the unemployment and homelessness by another, well, 400,000 but that’s ok! We’re giving every homeless person a house!
    • The streets are filled with big, fat, obese and hairy under-armed women because of course, women are not to be sexually objectified and women are not objects to be used by men.
    • “Rape culture” is dead and any man at all who whistles or catcalls at a woman will be arrested because that’s offensive and mean. On the flip side, if a man is not attracted to these huge, fat, obese and hairy under-armed women, they will be labeled as the last remaining proponents of rape culture and treated as such.
    • Fat shaming becomes illegal, catcalling becomes illegal and staring for more than three seconds at a woman is a ticketable offense.
    • Cultural appropriation becomes illegal. White people are no longer allowed to wear corn rows, afros, sombreros, dreadlocks or anything else that is arbitrarily deemed to be owned by another race or culture. This only applies to white people because centuries ago, whites were mean… so whites today need to pay the price for the actions of their ancestors. Even if their white ancestors were European immigrants that came well after any slave owning activity. But who cares! (white people suck)
    • We have successfully removed victim blaming to such a degree that our new justice systems functions under the new paradigm guilty until proven innocent.
    • Political equality is finally achieved as congress is filled with nothing but women, Hispanics, blacks, Indians, Asians, Muslims and other non white-cis-gendered males. The new president is a Hispanic gender fluid paraplegic Muslim who appropriates an Irish adaptation of Asian culture.
    • Marijuana is legal and GMOs are labeled.


Freelance blogger writing about culture, politics, science and entertainment.